Passing or Covering

I was reading about how gays in the 1950s sought medical help to convert homosexuality to heterosexuality. Medicine was on the side of the gays to assimilate them into the society through conversion rather than banishing them through condemnation. But now in America, although homosexuality has been depathologized in 1973 among the DSM, homosexuality as a disease paradigm still exists together under the skin. It manifests as a kind of figurative disease, a disfavored condition, something that requires protection extended by the civil right laws. The classics example of such hypocritical double standard is the co-existence of no-promo-homo laws and laws that govern gay rights in some states. It simply conveys the underlying message that wavering children need to be protected from the contagion of homosexuality. It's okay to be gay, just don't flaunt it.

While conversion demands are made most rampantly on sexual waverers (individuals who are unsure and ambiguous in their orientations), covering and passing are more common the gays. I never feel the need of conversion (to heterosexuality), which is the ultimate demand of assimilation that destroys true identity. But I do find myself covering, which subtly and deftly leaves the underlying identity relatively intact. Sometimes I compel to act straight and make the straight commands in order to gain acceptance. The continuous battle of micromanaging my gay identity surely takes a tool on my stress factor: thinking about who knows, who should know, who should not know and whom I think knows. Taking a step further, I decide to break out and make the commitment to authenticity. What bothers me is not that I have to engage in straight-acting behavior, but the felt need to mute my passion for gay subjects, people, and culture.

Now this brings up another issue. If the commitment is to authenticity, then the same authenticity will be just as threatened as individuals are demanded of acting according to the stereotypes associated with their groups. It's sort of like an African American would be expected to order fried chicken at the diner. Or what's even worse, Asian people should dress like they are fresh off the boat. Historical norms shit. If you're gay, you're definitely cruising the bars, hooking up with a different guy, and acting effeminate. This is what mainstream does to our society. Gays will only be equal only when society stops conditioning the inclusion on assimilation to straight norms.