New Perspective on Cruising

Neither do I cruise at bar nor go clubbing. Not only am I claustrophobic in crowd but I am also overwhelmed being around sweaty able men bodies! Loud music frays my nerve. But I've always wondered what exactly people are looking for cruising at bars. A story from Andrew Holleran's In September, the Light Changes, which I'm reading for the book club, reveals psychological light into the mind of some (but not all) cruisers. It says people are not looking for a "nice guy" when they go out, but someone a little complicated, a little dangerous, a little depressed, even nasty--someone who is neurotic! It sounds demoralizing but that is how the game is played. Relationship and dating seem to be the same way: You should never sit around waiting for someone to call, never pursue a person--if he wants you, he will let you know. Never assume that beauty has any relation to character traits (I've learned the hard way). What this has taught me is not to take rejection too seriously, and always be prepared to expect that blow.

The reason some of my friends and most people go to the bar is so that they can find someone and never have to go to the bar again. The only problem (and that is a big one)is why they can't find the person. The reasonable way to approach this is to want only whoever finds you appealing. If we were attracted only to people who find us attractive, then everything would make sense. The trouble is, most of the time A wants B, B desires C, C has a crush on D, and so on. We have to admit this is a tough business. I realize the way to go is to meet people in a setting that is most comnfortable to me--where I can meet people who share common interests, and be friends, and see what will develop. At least it will save money buying alcohol right?