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A Guy's Moleskine Notebook

Thoughts and reflections on works of fiction and literature. Pondering of life through pictures and words. Babbling about gay rights. Travelogues and anecdotes.

  • [1] Annie Proulx: Brokeback Mountain
  • [2] Arthur Golden: Memoirs of a Geisha
  • [3] Yu Hua: To Live
  • [4] Alan Hollinghurst: The Line of Beauty
  • [5] Colm Toibin: The Master
  • [6] Carlos Ruiz Zafon: The Shadow of the Wind
  • [7] William James: The Varieties of Religious Experience
  • [8] Charles Higham: The Civilization of Angkor
  • [9] Graham Greene: A Burnt-Out Case
  • [10] Dai Sijie: Mr. Muo's Travelling Couch
  • [11] Alan Hollinghurst: The Swimming-Pool Library
  • [12] Mikhail Bulgakov: The Master and Margarita
  • [13] Colm Toibin: The Blackwater Lightship
  • [14] Alan Hollinghurst: The Folding Star
  • [15] Ross King: Michelangelo and the Pope's Ceiling
  • [16] Fyodor Dostoevsky: The Brothers Karamazov
  • [17] Jonathan Franzen: The Corrections
  • [18] Colm Toibin: The Story of the Night
  • [19] John Banville: Shroud
  • [20] Leo Tolstoy: Resurrection
  • [21] Peter Hessler: River Town, Two Years on the Yangtze
  • [22] Ian McEwan: The Atonement
  • [24] Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Love in the Time of Cholera
  • [25] Ignacio Padilla: Shadow without a Name
  • [26] Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose
  • [27] Richard Russo: Straight Man
  • [28] Fyodor Dostoevsky: Notes from Underground
  • [29] Alan Hollinghurst: The Spell
  • [30] Hermann Broch: The Death of Virgil
  • [31] James Baldwin: Giovanni's Room
  • [32] Ken Kesey: One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest
  • [33] Xingjian Gao: One Man's Bible
  • [34] C. Jay Cox: Latter Days
  • [35] Harper Lee: To Kill A Mockingbird
  • [36] William Shakespeare: The Taming of the Shrew
  • [37] Daniel A. Helminiak: What The Bible Really Says about Homosexuality
  • [38] James Baldwin: Tell Me How Long the Train's Been Gone
  • [39] Kenji Yoshino: Covering - The Hidden Assault of Civil Rights
  • [40] Italo Calvino: If, On a Winter's Night A Traveler
  • [41] Arthur Phillips: The Egyptologist
  • [42] George Orwell: 1984
  • [43] Michael Warner: The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics, and Ethics of Queer Life
  • [44] Andrew Sullivan: Virtually Normal
  • [45] Henry James: The Wings of the Dove
  • [46] Jose Saramago: Blindness
  • [47] Umberto Eco: The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana
  • [48] Dan Brown: Da Vinci Code
  • [49] Kazuo Ishiguro: Never Let Me Go
  • [50] Ken Follett: The Pillars of Earth
  • [51] Leo Tolstoy: War and Peace
  • [52] Michael Thomas Ford: Alec Baldwin Doesn't Like Me
  • [53] Jonathan Franzen: How To Be Alone
  • [54] Jonathan Lethem: The Fortress of Solitude
  • [55] Matthew Pearl: The Dante Club
  • [56] Zadie Smith: White Teeth
  • [57] Fyodor Dostoevsky: The Double
  • [58] Jose Saramago: The Double
  • [59] Andrew Holleran: Dancer from the Dance
  • [60] Heinrich von Kleist: The Marquise of O & Other Stories
  • [61] Andrew Holleran: In September, the Light Changes
  • [62] Tom Perrotta: Little Children
  • August 05, 2006



    I met my friend Jerry for dinner last night at my #2 Vietnamnese restaurant in the city Pagolac (Larkin/Ellis) for some DIY barbeque beef on sizzling grill, a citrusy-spicy tomato soup, and imperial rolls. Jerry, as usual, was concerned about my love life and so I briefed him with the latest scoop. Sternly but amicably, he told me not to be sold out in light of my past two relationships, which left me beaten and downtrodden. I said at this juncture of my life (after numerous relationship woes, bruises and wounds), at 31, I have quite found my ideal (if he really exists) that defines what I am searching for in an intimate friend/partner. A soul mate who fits in like the pieces of a puzzle--walking the beach hand in hand, conversing in a quiet corner, or saying nothing at all, just knowing. He would appreciate and feel comfortable spending time alone (personal boundary is important to me) and being together. He would be someone who has intelligence, wit, a great smile, a glint of mischief in his eyes, takes time to listen and communicates, takes care of himself, willing to take a risks, and together there is a comfort level. Guess that is chemistry. I see comfort and intimacy being like a pair of old worn jeans, something relaxed and can hang loose in, or two old worn shirts that are tugged in together. Of course there should be differences, where to individuals bring their uniqueness together and blend. I told Jerry that I am a guy who wears his heart out on his sleeve (almost too easily and trustingly that I am the one who gets hurt); once the person captures my attention he will for sure have my loyalty and will give it my all to someone I believe in. But, I can let go (a lesson that hasn't come easy), if given reason. I also feel tired of being always the one who initiates to do anything. I've given too much in my life.


    Blogger Jef said...

    I had a boyfriend who said that the key to knowing if a guy is the one is to see if you can have fun together shopping at the grocery store. I think there's some truth to that. Sadly, we were not meant for each other. Well, actually I'm not sad about that because Jeff is much better suited for me than Mark was. Still, wherever Mark is, I hope's he enjoying grocery shopping with whomever he's fallen for.

    8/05/2006 8:59 AM  
    Blogger johnNokc said...

    Matt, maybe it was the shirt metaphor, but your blog reminded me so much of Brokeback Mountain. I sure hope your romances are never that unfulfilled. It would break my heart.

    8/05/2006 10:11 AM  
    Blogger Matt said...

    It's funny you mention that Jef. My ex *never* went gorcery shopping with me. I was always the one who decided on what to get--well, maybe because we never lived together.

    8/05/2006 5:32 PM  
    Blogger Matt said...

    Thanks John, unfortunately up to this point it is still unfulfilled.

    8/05/2006 5:33 PM  
    Blogger digital t-square said...

    Have you ever had a meal at the California Culinary Academy on Polk? I haven't been there in a couple of years, but I was impressed with the food and service. One of my favorite restaurants in that vicinity is Max's Opera House. I don't get to the 'Loin that often.

    8/06/2006 7:01 PM  
    Blogger Robert said...

    I like the old worn jeans metaphor... Everyone likes the feel of that, but still, you gotta take them out and wash 'em from time to time! heh! Personally, I like the 'beat it with a rock by the river' technique! juuust kidding!!!

    Everything you wrote is true. But fun-knee that you didn't mention anything about sex??? After 7 years, these days Alec and I only have 'holiday/anniversary' sex! Guess we'll have to wait 'til Labor Day! haha! Happy Monday Matt!!

    8/07/2006 7:41 AM  
    Blogger Matt said...

    D T Square,
    Yup I sure have. I made a reservation for the French buffet which is served every Thursday night and it is awesome. The 'Loin has great restaurants like Pagolac.

    8/07/2006 9:44 AM  
    Blogger Matt said...

    Are you in SF? I saw someone who looked like you on Sat???

    I don't have too much of a sex life Robert. I've had a one-night thing but I'm over it. I like to take relationship slowly and I have to feel comfortable and at ease with the person to be intimate.

    My recent romance seems to have cooled like a coup of coffee over time and I don't know what to make of it. But after many relationship woes, I don't think I will fare too badly if this one doesn't work out. I just don't know.

    8/07/2006 9:48 AM  
    Blogger Robert said...

    Oright, you wrote me and, of course, being the lazy ass that I am, forgot to write back!

    No, am afraid that wasn't me in SF. Say, you didn't come up to say hello??? :-) Did the guy give you a fun-knee look? You were gawking at him were you? hehe!

    Yeah, worry not about relationship... Just let your readers worry about it for you! :-)


    8/07/2006 12:26 PM  
    Blogger Matt said...

    What happens to the rest of your posts? Did you decide to bag them all up and archive them?

    Yes and no. I wasn't gawking at him but I maintained a distance just so if he recognizes me and I'll say hello. He was too busy on the phone and so I gathered he might not be you. :)

    I guess I worry too much about the tiniest thing or try to interpret things word for word. I'm doing just fine now. :)

    8/10/2006 11:34 AM  

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